


Should I Say Goodbye?

by Used_to_be_human



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Alex goes to live with Wolf, Angst, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jack is dead, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-17 10:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16972941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Used_to_be_human/pseuds/Used_to_be_human
Summary: //I'm always so astounded by my ability to ruin everything//Alex is left in pieces after a series of events that unfolded in America. He has no one left. Death follows him, taking everything he loves. When he gets assigned his temporary guardian, the plan is to distance himself as much as possible. Things never go to plan, do they?





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one seems to see the colors in the rain  
> I guess nobodies feel this way  
> The sky is dull, I fade away  
> Why do I feel so far from myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, let's play a game. Whoever thinks I own Alex Rider loses.
> 
> Also, this is effectively unedited. My spell check broke and let's just say I rely way to much on that fella.

_A_ gent Rider?” the agent’s expression was carefully blank.

“Give me five minutes,” Alex responded.

“MI6 believes this to be extreme importance.”

“Okay, three minutes.” Alex opened the door further. He resisted the temptation to slam the door shut and barricade it. 

The agent suddenly looked uncertain and Alex allowed the corner of his lip to curl upwards. This was something Alex understood so well he was tempted to name it after himself. The Rider Effect. You get so used to MI6 and dead faces, everything is a mission. When someone actually acts human it’s strange.

“You got a name?” Alex asked, grabbing his old grey jacket from where it lay crumpled on the kitchen bench.

“Agent Austin Amachi.”

“You must be fond of the letter A. I’m Alex,” he said with an easy smile. It’s always good to find allies (allies, not friends, friends are a luxury he can’t afford to have) in MI6. Anyway, Amachi’s threat level ( _ones and zeros_ ) had been hovering at 70% but was now rapidly falling to 45%.

“Yeah. Do you have any more belongings to take with you?” Amachi asked. He didn’t come across as the small talk type.

“No.” Alex briefly held up his small bag and jacket. “This is all.”

“Okay. There’s a car out the front.”

“I usually take the tube,” Alex murmured, following the older agent.

“Not this time.”

  


The car ride was quiet. Not the warm, companionable quiet so often entertained in novels, but the cold and polite kind. The claustrophobic kind that made the hairs on the back of Alex’s neck tingle. His senses were screaming at him to get out, to _get the fuck away_.

He pulled out a book from his bag and read, features relaxed, the epitome of calm.

  


“Alex?” the tone of voice is soft but empty. A false promise. “Alex, we need you to listen.”

Alex Rider lifted his head slowly, fixing the deputy head of MI6 with dead eyes.

“We have found a new temporary guardian…” Mrs Jones’ voice turned to static.

The tiny office was too small, too tight and there was only one exit. He had to get out, he had to run and run and _get out_ -

The door opened and in walked a very familiar SAS soldier. Wolf. Alex’s mind ran an automatic scan ( _“You aren’t even human, you’re a fucking robot.”_ ). Weapons? The positioning of the semi-formal shirt was too casual, too naturally crumpled around his waistline. A gun? Maybe, but he couldn’t rule out a knife either. Threat? 60%. People do stupid things when they’re startled. He leant back in his chair and fixed Wolf with a steady gaze.

“Wolf,” Wolf grunted. There had been a moment where shock had flashed across his face. Stupid, if he was on a mission, that one moment would’ve blown his cover.

“Alex.” Alex calmly turned back to Mrs Jones.

Mrs Jones index finger moved against the desk. Not quite an uncomfortable twitch, but still a tell. She was surprised by how easily Alex had slid his mask into place. It was strange, really. Why was she surprised? This was one of the reasons he had such a good track record.

“Wolf, I have already provided you with written information and I do not find repeating myself to be enjoyable. This is Alex,” Mrs Jones said evenly.

Alex felt the strange urge to chuckle at the amount of forced politeness in the air.

“Wolf, may I have one last private word with you?”

“Of course.”

Alex stood up and drifted out of the room. He felt like a ghost, possessing someone else’s body. He was sitting down in a comfortable chair outside the office and everything was still.

How much time had past? A minute, two minutes? An hour?

He dug his nails into his thigh. He needed to wake up.

The door to Mrs Jones office swung open and like a switch had been flicked, Alex’s mind was clear. He shot to his feet. Wolf walked out of the office, looking faintly surprised about

Something.

“Come on kid. Alex.”

Alex gave a heavy sigh and forced his eyes to flash with annoyance.

“I’m not a kid,” he grumbled, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

The mask was in place. He was just an average whining teen. He had to find out how much Wolf knew so he could adapt his cover story. Just like a mission. Alex hid a tiny smile as he bent over to pick up his bag. Just like a mission. I’m good at this. Keep the mask up. If it falls, game over. It if falls, Wolf will die just like everyone else.

Easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? I love comments, they're like early Christmas presents. Or really late ones, depending on how you look at things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this out before Christmas so it's a little rushed...  
> I rewrote this a couple of times because I couldn't get it quite right, but I think we're good now.

“Your room is the first door on the left. Bathroom is across the hallway and my room is next to yours. I’ll be gone from six until five so you’ll be on your own for breakfast and lunch. I’ll leave some money,” Wolf explained.

Alex nodded. Simple enough.

“You can… uh, you can leave your stuff in your room. I have some people coming over, I was told you wouldn’t be over until next week, so they don’t know you’ll be here.”

“Okay.” Alex shrugged his bag off his shoulder.

He found the right room easily enough. It was a good size (not small and suffocating, not huge and exposing) and had a window to let in light (a possible escape route?). He put his bag down on the dark blue carpet, watching the dust rise from it. The room hadn’t been inhabited for a while. That suited Alex just fine. The door had a lock. He clicked it once, twice, three times. The sound was oddly comforting. (Locks from the inside, not a cell)

Releasing a deep breath, he ran his hands through his hair before leaving the room (his room?) to find Wolf.

Wolf had mentioned guests. K-Unit? Most likely. He poked his head into the kitchen. No sign of Wolf. Sighing, continued his search. The living room, that’s where he’d be. Watching TV? Possibly. The door could easily be right next to the TV, Wolf would see Alex before Alex saw him. Not a great option. Another door to the side? Alex shook his head. This wasn’t important. Just walk in. (A trap?) Alex almost snarled in frustration, forcing his hand towards the doorknob. His hand closed around metal and he silenced the alarm bells going off in his brain. It didn’t even make any sense, why would it be an ambush?

A loud sound rang through the flat.

 _Shit_.

There was movement in the living room. Normal teenager, normal teenager, normal-

“Oh, Wolf, I was just about to answer the door,” Alex straight-up lied. Through the small wave of panic, he had figured out what the sound was.

Wolf grunted and pushed past him.

“Sure, you can go get that. Don’t mind me.”

Wolf opened the door. Alex frowned at the lack of caution (stupid, reckless, going to get everyone killed).

“Snake,” Wolf said not quite warmly, but close.

“Wolf,” came the quiet, accented response.

Snake. The medic of the group and probably the least hostile towards Cub. Capable soldier. More introverted. Threat levels? Unknown. 20-60%? (ones and zeros). Out of the danger zone.

“This is Alex. He’s... “ Wolf frowned uncertainly. “I’m looking after him. MI6.”

“I’m Snake,” Snake said, studying him with a strangely intense gaze.

“Cool. So you’re also with the SAS?” Alex asked, faking innocent curiosity.

“Yeah.”

The tension in the room grew more noticeable.

“Why don’t we-?” Wolf gestured towards the living room.

“I’m starving, you got any food?” Snake asked, following Wolf. Alex trailed along behind, picking the chair closest to the door.

Alex fought the urge to flinch. _He doesn’t know what it’s like to be starving._

Shut up, It’s just something people say.

The two soldiers were looking at him expectantly. He’d blanked out for part of their conversation without realising. _Stupidstupidstupid_.

“Sorry, what was that?” Alex asked. He allowed a tiny bit of the embarrassment he felt to paint itself across his cheeks.

“We’re getting takeout,” Wolf said slowly.

Alex wondered why that needed his input.

“Yeah?”

“What do you want?” Oh.

“Oh um, anything is fine.” Alex gave a shrug. _Normal teen, normal teen, normal teen_. “Just make sure there’s a lot of it, I’m starving-” (no you aren’t) “-too.”

Snake smiled at him in amusement as Wolf left the room to order. Snake pulled a book off the shelf and flipped to where there was a purple bookmark. Alex studied Snake’s body language. Snake seemed quite at ease in his unit leader’s home. They weren’t just a unit, they were friends. 

The doorbell rang, disturbing the content silence that came with books. Heavy footsteps stopped as Wolf opened the door. Automatically, Alex tensed. 

Alex listened carefully to the conversation. It was more of a habit than something he did consciously. If Snake was already here...

“Can I use your bathroom?” came the voice of Eagle. Alex’s shoulders relaxed.

Wolf grunted in response. There were footsteps and into the room walked Ben Daniels. Ben froze in the doorway

“Alex?”

Despite his surprise, Alex kept his expression smooth, a skill he had perfected.

“Hi.” Alex gave a small wave. He pulled his legs up onto the chair so he was sitting cross-legged.

“Wait. How do know the kid, Fox?” Wolf frowned, walking past Ben and into the living room.

Ben’s forehead creased.

“Wolf… don’t you remember Cub?”

Wolf’s eyes widened.

“Cub? You’re… “ Wolf stared at Alex before sinking into an armchair.

“You’re Cub, of course, it makes sense,” Snake smiled.

Alex ducked his head apologetically.

“I wasn’t sure if MI6 wanted you to know.” _It isn’t a lie it isn’t a lie it isn’t-_

“I think I broke your toilet.” Eagle pushed past Ben and into the room. “Oh hey, you didn’t tell me Cub would be here!”

Alex shifted in his seat, the only sign he showed of his discomfort. Why were Snake and Eagle acting so friendly towards him? Were they trying to get close to him?

Wolf fixed Alex with a glare. On anyone else’s face, it would’ve been a fierce or angry glare, but Alex had gotten good at gauging Wolf’s facial expressions. He was annoyed, sure, but not as much so as he could’ve been. Before he could fully analyse the expression, the doorbell rang for the third time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support, it means a lot. I don't mean to make this a vent but I've been going through some shit and your comments have all been so awesome!


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